Getting Unstuck is Easier than it Seems

Two seemingly unrelated things happened this week:

Pre.school called to say that Sparkle needed to be picked up and taken to the ER.
I spent a LOT of money on six tickets for international flights.

Lemme' connect the dots for you.

I'm at the very tail end of a 6 year part-time teaching stint.
It has brought such balance to our lives to have me home in the afternoons.
I've really loved it, but I've committed to coming back on staff full time at the middle school next year, so I've been especially mindful of how precious these afternoons at home are as the school year has come to a close.  I was cherishing one of these afternoons, reading stories to the Big Guy and prepping food for supper, when pre.school called to say that Sparkle had a block stuck on her finger.  They'd tried everything they could think of and she was starting to lose circulation.  They thought she needed to be seen at the ER.  I abruptly ended the Big Guy's nap, dropped him off with a friend (I don't need TWO screaming kids at the ER.  One's enough, thanks.) and high-tailed it to pre.school.




She was a champ until I got there and then fear gave way to relief upon seeing me and she lost all composure.  I got her checked in and she made me promise dozens of times that I wouldn't let them cut her finger off.  The doctor took a look and discovered that this thing was not budging.  Our options were to cut the block, which would have required sedating poor Sparkle at this point, or KY Jelly. 

You think I'm joking?
I'm so serious.

We chose the latter and he gently, methodically, patiently, painstakingly massaged in front and behind the block until it moved the tiniest fraction of a centimeter to the left.  Five minutes later, he had worked it just a smidge to the right.  It went on like this for 30 minutes until he had it over her knuckle, the tip of her finger turning completely white.  Ten more minutes of maneuvering and he had it off.

We mentioned that it was pre.school graduation day and he discharged us quick as a wink so we could make it back for the celebration and return that rascal block to its bin in Sparkle's classroom.

A few days later I found some flights to the Dominican.
I bought six.
We're headed back to our beloved orphanage in March.

Both events had me thinking about back when we used to feel stuck.
We wanted to do big things with our family, but we didn't have the time, finances or energy.
Or at least that's what we told ourselves.

Then we started asking ourselves.
Are we really STUCK?
Or are we just choosing to settle for good things instead of the BEST things?
Can we live without cable?

Will my heart keep beating if I don’t buy the trendy new purse that I really want?

Can we survive on a lower Data Plan for our phones?
Can we call our bank and get a savings account set up?
Can we put $100/paycheck into that savings account?
Are we able to navigate the internet?

Will we wake up tomorrow morning if I say no to the stuffed animals with the big glittery eyes at the checkout in our local grocery store?

Will the world keep spinning on its axis if we put the $150 for dandelion removal into a savings account and opt out of a carpet manicured lawn?

The answer to all these things was:  Yes, yes we can and yes we will.
We are resourced.
We are intelligent.
We are breathing.

No excuses.

We can do big things because they are just a bunch of small choices.

The only reason we weren’t doing big things is because it was more comfortable to do what we'd always done and then complain about not having enough time, money and energy to pursue the big stuff.

That's silly.
The TRUTH is:  We do have enough.  We always have.

We live in America and we have the internet.

Couple that with some self discpline and you’re 90% of the way there.

We haven't always managed our abundance in a way that allows us to live up to our dreams.
We've chosen dozens of smaller things, sacrificing the few big ones that really matter to us.

  However, our mindset has shifted over the past few years.

Here's the breakdown of our finances:
mortgage (a lot)
daycare (an equal LOT)
groceries (don't get me started on the fact that these people insist on eating 3 times a day!)
kid activities
adult activities
utilities
gas
phones
...
You get the point.
If we're not careful, we're gonna' come up short at the end of the month.

BUT...
We write our first check of the month to Church.
The next $100 goes to an account called "God's Money" where we save up for big stuff like helping people we love or going somewhere that we can serve.  When we get an opportunity to love, we go GRAND CANYON on it because we’ve got the money, yo!

Then we pay the mortgage and daycare and the rest we FIGURE OUT WITH WHAT IS LEFT.

With this method, we've never, not ONE TIME, come up short.

This does not take a degree or special training or rare talent.  It takes discipline.

I'm gonna' tell you something straight up.
It makes no sense that we've been able to support four kids and two adults on one and a half teacher salaries for the past six years.
It is not fathomable that we have been able to put our kids in every activity they have asked to join.
It makes less sense that we were able to buy a new, bigger home during that time.
It is crazier, still, that we've been able to give a car to someone who needed it, take our kids on multiple trips and have left the country numerous times.

It's the upside down way of the Kingdom of God.
We give, and He gives it back, a good measure, pressed down, overflowing into our laps.

We are never as stuck as we like to dramatize.
We just have to ask ourselves, what is more important, exposing our kids to the world or watching DVR episodes of our favorite shows?
Which do we want more, a golf membership or an opportunity to serve a bunch of awesome kids who live way out on the margin?

We figure out what we need and we give that exact resource away.  When we need money, we donate.  When we need time, we serve.  When we need a friend, we look for opportunities to be one.

And the theory holds one hundred percent of the time:  You can’t out-give God. He already owns it all.

When we tell people that we're taking our kids to paint and sweat and serve an orphanage over next year's spring break, many will misunderstand it.
We've been there before.
For goodness sake, they flogged and crucified Jesus, so who are we to think that we will escape scrutiny?

Hey, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to offer KY Jelly to a pre.schooler, either.
But sometimes you gotta' just figure it out.


Here's to creativity and to getting unstuck.

Marathon

On Saturday, my kids ran a mile and I ran a marathon.

Sort of....

J was up early at a painting job, and I cheerily woke the children with a reminder that they were participating in the school fun run!

Here's the unfiltered response:

After some...
cajoling,
begging,
pleading,
Justin Timberlake,
kitchen dancing,
and breakfast,
we were all in MUCH better moods.

That is, until it came time to put on shoes.  Only the older two girls were participating in the run, but we had planned to bike to the park, where the festivities were taking place.  The Big Guy couldn't find his tennis shoes and while everyone else laced up, he went in full psycho tantrum mode.

We had been looking for these pesky shoes for a few days, but since the weather had been nice, we'd reverted to sandals, hoping they would show up.  I immediately sent the whole crew on a search party for the missing sneaks.  Twenty minutes later, we'd come up with absolutely nothing.

How can shoes disappear?  I understand hats, gloves, library books, but shoes?  Aren't those attached to your body when you walk into and out of this house?  How could they possibly vanish?

I texted the hubster a quick shot of the scream-fest and his genius reply was,
"Save your sanity.  Go buy him a cheap pair."

We had a few extra minutes.
"Everyone on bikes with helmets, let's go!"
We pedaled to the local Shopko where I found a pair on clearance for $9.
He found a pair for $33.
I don't think I need to explain to you why I didn't engage.
I was alone in a department store with four children.
He weighs 41 pounds.
In the confines of my own home, I will tell him "no" and when he whines, I'll risk the certainty of a chiropractic visit to drag his sorry, screaming, butt to his room all day long.
But in the shoe department?
Nope.  Nah.  No thanks.

This kid is a warrior.  He doesn't back down.  It's going to serve him well someday.  In the meantime, I have to survive raising him, which includes a shrewd, cunning ability to PICK MY BATTLES.
Shoes is not one of them.

Cha-ching.
I walked out of there $33 lighter but my reward was a kid whose smile portrayed the kind of joy you typically see on PowerBall winners' faces.

I justified the splurge by telling myself that the shirt he was wearing
(he has informed us that he will ONLY wear muscle shirts from now on)
cost 25 WHOLE CENTS at a garage sale.

You win some, you lose some.
He's apparently going to be more high maintenance than my girls in the clothing department.
Just, whatever.

We got the snazzy shoes on his feet we were off to the RACES, people.

Look at those smiles.

I'm gonna' call VICTORY for the fact that I was able to turn four sour attitudes (refer to picture #1) into this kind of pre-race enthusiasm.
Go me.

Tulip finished her half mile race screaming, "I didn't even walk one time, mom!!"

Girl, for the love of MOSES, you're almost done.  Just focus.

Peach ran the whole mile, also without stopping, as evidenced by this dramatic finish:

We cheered like it was the Boston Marathon and when it was over, the Big Guy wanted to run the 100 yards from where we were standing to the finish line.  As previously referenced, he's nothing if not persistent, so when the coast was clear I let him loose.  Wouldn't you know, the finish line crew gave him a ribbon for that quick sprint, which totally torked his sisters, who had ACTUALLY EARNED THEIRS.

At this point, the kids were done running, but my "race" had only begun.

We biked home, first stopping at a friend's bake sale.  The Big Guy started getting out of the bike trailer a couple seconds before I had completely stopped, so I ended up running him over.
Awesome.

After I settled that storm, we came home and I found the missing shoes.  OF COURSE, I DID, while not even looking for them, in a closet where I had already searched multiple times, stuffed BEHIND the vacuum cleaner.
Isn't that where you keep yours?

I got over it pretty quickly because now that THIRTY FIVE is quickly becoming one of my identifying numbers (tomorrow!), I just don't have time to care about everything anymore.

We planted flowers and made our porch look pretty.

We had some friends over, took a picnic to the park, played at the waterfall and went to the library.

Let me explain something to you.  When you've been cooped up with below zero temperatures all winter, there is NOTHING that you cannot fit into a beautiful 70 degree spring day.

By the time J got home, he could see I was exhausted in a happy way.  Because he's awesome, he immediately dialed a babysitter and brought me to the winery.

We ate queso, tried new drinks, sat by the fire and laughed like hyenas.
We left far later than is responsible for two people who need to be up with the sun, caring for offspring the next day.

I took my watch off at 11:30 pm and upwards of 32,000 steps were glowing back at me.

Holy Begonias...I didn't run a marathon, but I guess I lived one.

great joy

okay, so i know i just posted about how awesome it is to have a big, huge, chaotic, wild, loud family.

and it is.

i don't take back one single word.

but....

this space was clean three minutes ago.

three minutes!  

you guys.

everyone tells me to enjoy these days.

that i will miss the mess when they are gone.

truth:  i will miss THEM.

i will miss these PEOPLE.

i will miss tiny voices and little bodies.

i will miss they way they smell after a bath and the way they giggle when I tickle them.

i will miss living room dance parties and big bear hugs.

i will miss love notes and enough coloring book pages to wall paper the house.

but, i can guarantee with 100% certainty that i will NOT miss the peanut butter that is smeared all over the back of my couch.  who needs a napkin?  not my kids.  furniture upholstery works juuuuuuuuust fine, yo.

as i'm lamenting the state of my home, gnashing my teeth and scrubbing the couch, there is one thought, just one, in the midst of it all that brings me great joy.

 it is the thought of them being 32 years old, (which will make me 64...the prime of my life!  i am planning to have heaps of energy at this point) and walking into their homes, throwing my sweatshirt on the floor, leaving trash all over their living rooms, stuffing wrappers between their couch cushions, leaving pee in their toilets, smearing my snot across their patio doors, jumping on their beds and leaving the interior of their cars looking like a crime scene as they cart me all over town.

this single thought brings me such gladness.

i promise you, some days it is the thing that GETS ME THROUGH.

full hands

by the lack of blog posts lately, i'm sure you can tell...

my hand are full.

full of kids and groceries and laundry and bills....

and i hear it all the live long day.

in the grocery store

at the park

at the doctor's office

at the library

while trick or treating...

and pretty much everywhere we go:

"You've got your hands full!"

most of the time i just smile, trying to hide the fact that it bugs me.

i know that people don't mean it in a negative way.

but the looks on their faces when they say it gives away what they're really thinking:

these people are crazy as loons.

those poor parents...how will they survive?

maybe we are a little crazy.

but we actually like it this way.

and we wouldn't change it.

in fact, having a family of six is not the worst thing that could happen to a person.

we chose this life.

no one dumped a pile of kids on us.

we prayed for them.  we asked for them.

 they are our gifts.

we could have chosen more vacations and a fancier house and nicer cars and less to carry.

but we didn't.

there's nothing wrong with small families.  and i can see the benefit.

there's nothing wrong with frequent vacations to awesome places and magnificent houses and cool vehicles.

but there's nothing wrong with big families either.  

and there's nothing wrong with the sacrifices we make to provide our kids with siblings.

its just a choice.

and let's be honest:  whether you have one child or twelve, parenting is hard.

it's true.  our hands are very full.

but if you think our hands are full, you should see our hearts.

dusting off the ol' bliggety blog

People.

It has been such. a. long. time.

As in.....over two years.  I'm sitting here, shaking my head in stunned silence that is has really been that long since I've been on here writing about our life.

Here's what happened.  We added a fourth baby to our family and something had to give.  I dropped out of the blog-o-sphere and basically the social media scene for the past two years because my kids were crawling all over me, running into the street, climbing to their demise and flushing mini spray bottles down our toilet (true story!).

I'm sad that I neglected the writing part, the thing that gives me such joy and energy.  But in a life that is literally exploding with blessings, I traded something that I really cherish, for a short time, in exchange for the sleep and presence of mind that are required to keep four human beings under the age of 10 alive.

Here's the good news.  We've accomplished a lot since I was here last.
For starters, we're all still breathing.

In addition to that worthy achievement, we've hit some big and small goals including, but not limited to:




being adorable



pulling off a 6-person group Trolls costume that was the envy of our small town

 

10 minute stints of not fighting with siblings and getting from the top of the hill to the bottom with four humans on one sled




sledding outdoors with indoor cats



riding lessons



learning to pray with sausages for fingers



being creative, making things





learning to snowshoe



trading ice, snow and below zero temps for ocean and sunshine



surprise snowball attack with daddy as the unsuspecting victim





exploring new places (Omaha is fun!)





celebrating Jesus



potty training, cheering on the Vikings and participating in March Madness



becoming an official member of the dive team.


I'm going to go ahead and give myself grace for my absence here.  In some ways, I wish I had written more about all we did these past 30 months.  But I also realize that some memories are for the heart and not the page.

Now that every living being in our home is walking and talking and peeing in the toilet on a regular basis, I feel like I've got some minutes back.  Not to mention the fact that I discovered Wal-Mart grocery pick up so basically I'm just sitting here with my feet up and not one thing to do except pay some attention to this long-neglected space.  And, of course, fold my laundry.  'Cause you know, no matter HOW OLD these people get, I'm always gonna' have a mountain of clothes to battle.  Unless we get serious about joining a nudist colony, which is sounding more and more enticing by the day. ;)

Treasure

here are the facts:

we're in full blown holiday happiness around here

sweet peach is just four days shy of turning....ahem...seven 

i cannot speak of it with dry eyes

hubby has reminded me several times that she's turning seven, not getting married and moving to the other side of the world.

noted.

however, she's over halfway to being a teenager so i will cry if i want to.

lists for santa are being made (and changed) with regularity.

i'm hosting thanksgiving at my house for like 50 people.

we've all had colds.

Peach was hit the worst...still in the thick of it.

it was a loooooooong, exhausting week.

i went four days without a shower - don't ask....issues with the water pressure in the new house.

and all i really wanted to do was curl up on the couch and have movie night with our tribe.

just one little glitch...we had signed up to help pack a gagillion bags of food for the hungry and homeless aaaaaaallllll the way up in st. paul.

we had a babysitter cancel at the last minute.

perfect opportunity to call it quits.

we tried, Lord...the babysitter can't make it.  la te da.....

i considered it.

but then i also considered how our kids would spend the next 5 weeks.

presents

parties

candy

me, me me....

i love to lavish my babies with all their hearts' desires.

it is such a blessing to show them how much i adore them.

but that's only half of their story.

and it is not okay to leave things there.

the other half is the part where we get to show them how to be kind.

and beautiful.

and how that starts and ends with what we give away.

j and i know that many people can show them this...

but it is our job and our joy to be the ones who model it most in their lives.

we scrambled and found a babysitter.

we got our attitudes in check.

bundled up.

headed out.

45 minutes of driving and singing christmas carols and we were in the mood to do some SERIOUS good.

let's start out in prayer, shall we?

thanking Jesus for the command to love and the opportunity to love...this place has my heart.

they get it.

i will never stop coming here.

i'm telling you...you cannot beat this place.

we got assigned to 5 pound bags of potatoes.

and i'll just go ahead and boast about the fact that our kids ROCKED the job.

little Tulip in a massive bag of potatoes...i thought i might lose her in there!

she crawled right in and tossed potatoes over her shoulder to me like she had been doing it all her life.

these little worker bees...they just kept plugging along.

we can do hard things.

we can fill 400 bags of food when we're not feeling 100%.

we can sacrifice our comfort to rally for people who really need it.

at the end of the night we had packed enough food to feed 10,000 people.

bam!  just like that.

most of the time we're a "do hard work and help people with no expectation of rewards" kind of a household.

however, when momma and daddy are looking at a long night of figuring out the water situation at the house and need a cup of coffee to get us through, we make exceptions and reward hard work with hot chocolate.

after we tucked them all tuckered out into warm beds and thanked the Good Lord for the roof over our heads and the food in our pantry, j and i both agreed that it was worth it.

the gas.

the time.

the babysitter.

small things, really.

let's face it.

giving is hard.

and for me, giving money is one thing.

however, giving time is something ENTIRELY more difficult.

but real treasure isn't usually easy to obtain.

and at the end of the day, one look at our check book and our calendar will tell us what we value.

it won't take long to find out where our focus is.

what we treasure.

it is our home?

things?

our church?

education?

entertainment?

travel?

...people?

i'm so guilty of letting my schedule and my finances be driven by things...stuff....pretty, glittery, temporary objects.

where am i spending my time?

my money?

i can tell you that it takes me about 2 minutes to realize how selfish i can be.

i live with such abundance.
and there are 10,000 people within an hour's drive of my house that are hungry and cold tonight.

i'm not okay with that.

why in the WIDE WORLD do i fuss like a two year old about sharing?

especially when i do stuff like this and realize...

giving my life away is actually fun.

and surprisingly not as difficult as i dramatize it to be.

it's simple, really.

Jesus modeled it.

I will provide for you.

You share with each other.

Some days you will have extra.

Some days you will need help.

if y'all obey what I say, everyone wins and it is heaps of fun.

duh.
and i am whining about what.....?

the world will do a very good job of teaching my kids about stuff.

the world will do just fine showing them what money can buy and giving them ten million reasons why they need it all.
they will want things and technology and vacations and clothes and music and opportunities without my help.
and there will be nothing wrong with that.

but i'm the one with the power to show them that there is more....that those things alone are pretty dim....that we are blessed SO THAT we can hold it all with an open hand...and find out that the great, great treasure is the opportunity to give our lives and our love away.

Duluth

okay.  so we went to Duluth in...June.

it is now november.

whoopsies.

here's the story in pictures.

as you can see, it was a blast.

i've entertained the thought of beating myself up for not writing about it until now because surely there were funny comments and little memories that have now escaped me but....

whatever.

i'm giving myself a huge pat on the back that i took pictures at all. :)

we did the zoo.

and momma and daddy drank a beer.

we walked and talked and felt small as we stood on the shore and threw tiny pebbles into an enormous lake.

oh my heart....nose picking and yawning and book reading.  this is our life.  it is not for the faint of heart.

i wouldn't change it.

there were fun parks and beautiful weather and there was hiking....with 4 little people.  bless it.

we do crazy things.

why not?

  

there was also, "when do we get to go back?"

soon, little chickadees.

when you find a happy place, you go back often.