Lasts

is it possible that the firsts in this house have turned into the lasts?

yes...the first of many lasts have begun here in our family and it is bitter and sweet and wonderful and sad all at the same time.

the last trip home from the hospital

(i know i look entirely wonky in this picture...the pants, the shoes, the way i'm standing - good gracious!  why didn't someone tell me!!!)

the last stream of visitors, meals, blessings....

the final trip around the block of becoming a big sister

the last little froggy legs all scrunched up

the last "do we really get to keep him?"

the last milk drunk, flour sack baby

the last nursings in the middle of the night

the last early morning snuggles

the last maternity leave

the last first bath in the sink

the last newborn clothes

the last infant cries

and the final days of wanting to be held all the time....

it's the end and the beginning...

last week, i cut the hospital tags off this little guy

the last hospital tags...so tiny

i slipped them into his baby box and breathed a sigh of grateful disbelief

"that was beautiful, Lord."

i hope that i can always find the sweet in these lasts...

I pray I won't let the sadness overtake me. I pray that I will be the one standing there at the end of the performance wildly clapping and shouting my praise....thanking the good Lord that He gave me all these lasts.

when they are graduating, getting married, moving out and growing up, i want to be able to savor these lasts just like the firsts...maybe more...

and every time find the thankful whisper "oh, Lord...that was beautiful."

these lasts are a stunning reminder...we don't always get a happy ending.

but sometimes we do.

and when it happens, the end of a beautiful something is cause for the beginnings of rejoicing.

what a difference a day makes

well, the wait is over.

i'm sitting in my hospital room, giving J a turn to snuggle our little monkey and watching a movie while i type away the story of the last two days.

yesterday started with a dr. appointment

and then meeting J and the littles at a park

there were giggles and squeals

and april fools

and "momma! watch me"

and the finding of treasures

and snacks

and sister bonding

and tossing all manner of sticks and leaves into the waterfall

and "what you lookin' at?"

and a picnic in the sun.

little did we know, it would be our last adventure as 5.

because when we got home, there were contractions.

and J chasing our trampoline down the street in a crazy wind that whipped up out of nowhere.

and after a call to friends and family and a drive to the hospital, there was walking....
and more walking....
and finding hills
and walking up them

and texts back and forth with my parents

and finally being admitted to the hospital

that was yesterday.

at 1:01 today....there was this:

it was a rough go for a while, but we made it.

and the rest of today has been a flurry of snuggles and visitors and feedings and being lost in an ocean of love

'cause, i mean, how can you not get lost in those eyes?

what a difference a day makes....

one last feeding and then some much needed rest.

but i'll fade into sleep tonight feeling like my cup has runneth over once again.