when life gives you lemons...

what to do....oh what to do when life gives you lemons?

i know that the expected response is, "make lemonade!"

okay...but what if you run out of sugar and the lemonade is disgusting?

it feels like that's kind of what happened to us this MEA weekend.

rewind to three months ago when my very closest friend, K, and I made plans to meet up over MEA weekend...this weekend.

now, i have to tell you that when plans like this get made, we both go bonkers with joy because we live far too far away from each other.

we email and call and i'm oh so grateful for the technology that helps us span the miles.  but there is just no substitute for the real deal.

and seeing each other face to face happens only once a year....sometimes we even have to wait longer

and she's not just any friend.  she's THE friend.  THE friend that i could call at any hour of the night.  THE friend that knows me better than I know myself and loves me to pieces any way.  

don't get me wrong - I have friends here.

and they are wonderful people who have been there for me over and over again.

but i'm learning that investing in friendships just isn't as easy now that i have a job, home, marriage and children, as it was way back in college.

and that is when our friendship grew....in dorm rooms and apartments and walks to class and late nights at the library.

back when i arranged my class schedule around my favorite tv shows and ate supper at 10:00 pm.  when was the last time I saw 10:00 pm?

back when I thought I was stressed...ha!

anywhoo...i had the time and energy to invest in her and she in me and those roots go down deep.

so, all that to say....there's just no one else like her.

and thoughts of seeing her set my heart a'dancin!

fast forward to last sunday....three days from when we were supposed to set sail on our voyage.

Peach throws up all over the vehicle on the way home from church.

conferences the next night.

are you kidding me?

nope.

lemon #1

but we still had 3 days, so i called K while hosing off the carseat and explained the situation, trying not to sound too panicked.

i should also mention at this point that the first few months of pregnancy #3 have been rough.  not terrible, but definitely worse than the first two.  strong smells seem to bother me the worst.  so, you can imagine how my stomach is doing at this point.  the biggest thing for me has been how tired i've felt.  and i know that there's nothing like a good friendship to revive a tired soul.

so i prayed....and monday went well.

we baked while i tried not to think about the fact that we might not get to go

(these are pictures of me trying to use the lemon to make lemonade...)

fact of life:  cream cheese frosting will fix almost anything

called K to say we were back in business.

Tuesday was even better.  Peach had her appetite back and I was sashaying around the house...literally...as i packed.

Reading stories that night, Tulip lost her lunch on the book I was reading.

Lemon #2

but Peach only threw up that once...so maybe it would still work out?

that night we were up all night with miss Tulip - J and I saw every hour of the clock as we changed and washed clothes, sheets and the babe.

Lemon #3

we prayed....and tired as we were on Wednesday, we were still clinging to a small string of hope.

called K to say things didn't look good, but that we'd see how the day went.  she and i both cried.

the day went well.  both kids kept down food.

we decided that if we didn't go, it would be a looooong time before we could go back.  no spring break this year.  tiny baby in May...who knows when we'd get another chance.

So, at 6:40 pm we set out on the 5 1/2 hour drive, hoping the babes would sleep most of the way.

i was scared, but i needed to see her.

the first 4 hours were awesome...the girls slept peacefully.  until we had to stop for gas.

the last hour and a half were not fun....lemon #4.

but we arrived around 1 am...exhausted and oh so happy to see our friends.

the next morning, we woke up groggy, but joyful.

Tulip refused to nap...lemon #5.

it rained all day...lemon #6.

when bed time came, Tulip was so exhausted, she screamed for an hour and a half before falling asleep...lemon #7.

and then woke up 5 times during the night...inconsolable.

lemon #8

i was so tired, i didn't even take pictures.

the conversations were foggy.

simply put - I was NOT myself

not the self that would laugh until my stomach hurt

not the self that would stay up late and reminisce

a crumpled version of the me i had wanted to be

i had a splitting headache....lemon #9

it rained all day Friday...lemon #10

i remember thinking how sweet it was that Peach and K's kids were playing so nicely...but other than that, it is pretty much a blur.

Friday afternoon Tulip vomited all over their bathroom.

Lemon #11

I knew we needed to cut our losses and head home.

So, we packed up after less than 48 hours.

K and I stood in her kitchen and hugged while we cried big, wet tears on each other's shoulders.

I do remember this.  I said, "I knew it was a gamble, coming here with her sick."

And she said, "I'm so glad you took the chance.  I would have rolled the dice to see you, too."

There it was...in the midst of all those lemons, a little sweetness.

Just to hug her...well, that was worth 11 hours in the car.

Through teary eyes we pulled away.  And there she stood with her littles, blowing kisses and Peach's face was pressed up against our window, waving "good-bye".  

She asked me why I was crying and all I could say was, "I wish we didn't live so far away."

But what I really wanted to say was, "I'm mad at God...and your sister."  (that right there is the ugly side of me that K knows all about...but she's the kind of friend that loves me anyway.)

I cried for the first 30 minutes of our trip.  Just silent tears as we got closer to home and further from her.

J was kind enough to offer to go back, but I knew it was the right thing to go home.

And after our petunias went to sleep, I sat there in the dark, wondering what you do when life gives you lemons...and the lemonade turns out gross.  

When you KNOW that being a mom is a wonderful gift, but you FEEL like it is downright UNFAIR.  When you are tired of giving away your time and energy and you just want to be selfish and drink coffee and not have anyone need anything.

I guess you just lift your eyes and give thanks.

For the husband who scrubbed the bathroom floor and let you cry and told you that he'd stay one more day or drive you home...

For the two blessings in the back seat who want you and only you when sickness comes...

For the fact that His mercies WILL be new tomorrow morning...

Because...really, there is always something to be grateful for.

Whisper thanks as we drove through our college town and all the good memories that cover me like a blanket when we're there.

Whisper thanks for each mile that they didn't wake up.

Whisper thanks that Tulip didn't get sick in the car.

Whisper thanks for that car...that it took us to a hug and back without any problems.

Whisper thanks for 11 hours of conversation with J and time to hold hands.  It's been a long time since we had that.

Whisper thanks that upon arriving home at 12:30 am, both girls happily snuggled into their beds and didn't wake until after 8.

Lift my eyes and whisper thanks for the guy who makes me coffee and offers to take me here the next morning....

oh, how can i feel sad amidst all this joy?

is it possible to be disappointed that God didn't answer the way i wanted Him to while at the same time singing His praises?

is it okay to feel sorry for myself when i can clearly see the ocean good in my life?

can i be sad and thankful?

can i praise the Lord and smile through the tears and be sincerely grateful even when my heart is saying, "it's not fair"

this weekend taught me that it is possible to have heartache and praise...sadness with joy.

so i whisper thanks for the pumpkins and the punkins

whisper thanks for these cherry gummis that really do make my heart feel a little lighter

whisper thanks for polka dot pants

and for her little wiggle

but i'm still tired.

and it still seems unfair.

so we go home to craft.

because another fact of life is that joy is bound to creep in when you're creating.

and i whisper thanks for spoon ballerinas and the clean garage that hubby had an extra day to organize

i whisper thanks for a trip to the park on a beautiful day and the monster cookies that another dear friend left on our steps

then say "thank you" again during our family dance party in the living room to our favorite Newsboys CD

i decide that there are lots of lemons in this life

sometimes you get what seems like more than your fair share

and even when you try to make the best of it - the lemonade can still turn out sour :(

back to work tomorrow and i don't think that J and I have truly recovered from our crazy break

but at the end of the day, I know two things.

#1:  He works ALL things for the GOOD of those who love Him.

#2:  I love Him.

And while I don't know how this all works out for my good, i'm hoping that my girls will see that we can give thanks when our plans don't work.

we can be deeply sad and still crazy joyful.

even in the midst of a pile of lemons.....