i formally take back every nice thing i ever said about winter
the sparkles and glitter have worn off
i just broke a frozen booger off my baby's nose.
the kids are not fighting like cats and dogs...they are fighting like tigers and rabid wolves.
i've wiped enough noses to go through two boxes of tissues...since 7 am.
i've read the same three books five thousand times.
i had a dream last night that when the littles weren't looking, i took one particularly beloved dvd, dropped it in the driveway and drove over it so many times that it was ground into powder
i'm sorry, but i just cannot feign enjoyment over one.more.cup. of pretend anything
the dog won't go more than 4 feet from the house to do his business, which has left a lovely arrangement of rock hard turds just inches from where i step to get the mail
the sun is shining her fool head off, but she's a LIAR because the thermometer tells the real story.
it was minus 9 when we went to school...2 hours late today.
my students are apathetic (so, in other words, normal)
and whining has reached record heights - so good are these children at it that we may just declare it worthy of becoming an olympic sport in this home.
my girls need some fresh air.
and a park.
for the love of pete, they are climbing everything!
as in, every single thing.
tables, beds, chairs, lamps....the middle console in our car.
two days ago our second-born asked for grass for her birthday
while the first-born reminisced about when she was "little and wore sandals"
speaking of sandals, don't even get me started on wardrobe.
i'm sure that come next october, i'll be all..."ooh, i can't wait to wear my cozy sweaters and jeans again, la te da"
but right now, i look in my closet and want to barf.
everything is brown, long-sleeved and ugly while my flip flops are smiling at me from their hibernation under the bed and i'm thinking i need them like i need air.
just today sweet peach's face looked out from behind the barren snack cupboard and asked why we don't have any crackers or peanuts.
sorry, angel. dollars previously earmarked for snacks have now been reallocated to pay for heat.
i wish i was joking.
i can't even enjoy a good, old-fashioned eskimo kiss from my 2-year-old since it now comes with a mandatory side order of snot, thank you very much.
we're verging on insanity.
enter the hero of this story: my friend, laura, who made me a HUGE batch of monster cookies yesterday
i'm not too proud to admit that in an attempt to keep the wheels on, i took the ziploc baggie from its home on top of the refrigerator (where they remain staunchly hidden from my children)
and locked myself in the bathroom.
don't worry...i was duly disciplined for my irresponsible behavior. exactly 11 seconds into my cookie binge, i saw little fingers slipped under the door and quiet little voices coming from outside asking for dozens of idiotic things...like water.
my garbled, "just a minute" through mouthfuls of delicious peanut butter, m&m and oatmeal resulted in louder and louder requests which crescendoed into high-pitched shrieks, waking the baby.
i quickly ended my "alone" time by wiping my mouth on my sleeve and chugging a glass of water to cover any evidence of chocolate on my breath.
upon opening the door i found the dog had chewed a potholder and three polly pockets while the children had now stopped with their demands only to be found "boosting" each other to the kitchen sink to get fistfuls of h2o.
don't worry...there was hardly any mess to clean up.
the bottom line?
here's what winter in minnesota looks like when you've gone stark raving mad:
i guess if the flowers won't bloom outside, she'll resort to a garden in her hair.
Lord, forgive my grumbling.
i call as my witnesses previous blog posts as evidence that I did, indeed, enjoy the splendor of your creation which is winter.
however, the fam and i would be oh so grateful if you would quicken warm winds in our direction.
march is on the horizon....as in, 2 days away.
50 degrees and a torrent of melting snow flowing through our gutters is officially on my prayer list.
i rest my case.
the end.
amen.
i've wiped enough noses to go through two boxes of tissues...since 7 am.
i've read the same three books five thousand times.
i had a dream last night that when the littles weren't looking, i took one particularly beloved dvd, dropped it in the driveway and drove over it so many times that it was ground into powder
i'm sorry, but i just cannot feign enjoyment over one.more.cup. of pretend anything
the dog won't go more than 4 feet from the house to do his business, which has left a lovely arrangement of rock hard turds just inches from where i step to get the mail
the sun is shining her fool head off, but she's a LIAR because the thermometer tells the real story.
it was minus 9 when we went to school...2 hours late today.
my students are apathetic (so, in other words, normal)
and whining has reached record heights - so good are these children at it that we may just declare it worthy of becoming an olympic sport in this home.
my girls need some fresh air.
and a park.
for the love of pete, they are climbing everything!
as in, every single thing.
tables, beds, chairs, lamps....the middle console in our car.
two days ago our second-born asked for grass for her birthday
while the first-born reminisced about when she was "little and wore sandals"
speaking of sandals, don't even get me started on wardrobe.
i'm sure that come next october, i'll be all..."ooh, i can't wait to wear my cozy sweaters and jeans again, la te da"
but right now, i look in my closet and want to barf.
everything is brown, long-sleeved and ugly while my flip flops are smiling at me from their hibernation under the bed and i'm thinking i need them like i need air.
just today sweet peach's face looked out from behind the barren snack cupboard and asked why we don't have any crackers or peanuts.
sorry, angel. dollars previously earmarked for snacks have now been reallocated to pay for heat.
i wish i was joking.
i can't even enjoy a good, old-fashioned eskimo kiss from my 2-year-old since it now comes with a mandatory side order of snot, thank you very much.
we're verging on insanity.
enter the hero of this story: my friend, laura, who made me a HUGE batch of monster cookies yesterday
i'm not too proud to admit that in an attempt to keep the wheels on, i took the ziploc baggie from its home on top of the refrigerator (where they remain staunchly hidden from my children)
and locked myself in the bathroom.
don't worry...i was duly disciplined for my irresponsible behavior. exactly 11 seconds into my cookie binge, i saw little fingers slipped under the door and quiet little voices coming from outside asking for dozens of idiotic things...like water.
my garbled, "just a minute" through mouthfuls of delicious peanut butter, m&m and oatmeal resulted in louder and louder requests which crescendoed into high-pitched shrieks, waking the baby.
i quickly ended my "alone" time by wiping my mouth on my sleeve and chugging a glass of water to cover any evidence of chocolate on my breath.
upon opening the door i found the dog had chewed a potholder and three polly pockets while the children had now stopped with their demands only to be found "boosting" each other to the kitchen sink to get fistfuls of h2o.
don't worry...there was hardly any mess to clean up.
the bottom line?
here's what winter in minnesota looks like when you've gone stark raving mad:
i guess if the flowers won't bloom outside, she'll resort to a garden in her hair.
Lord, forgive my grumbling.
i call as my witnesses previous blog posts as evidence that I did, indeed, enjoy the splendor of your creation which is winter.
however, the fam and i would be oh so grateful if you would quicken warm winds in our direction.
march is on the horizon....as in, 2 days away.
50 degrees and a torrent of melting snow flowing through our gutters is officially on my prayer list.
i rest my case.
the end.
amen.
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