I've never really been a fan of the term "rules".
It always seemed a little strict. Harsh.
In fact, in my classroom, we call them "expectations" because I don't want the students to think of me as some cruel taskmaster with a bunch of "rules" that they need to follow.
"Rules" has always seemed far from fun and loving and warm.
Until I met a family who redefined the word.
About two weeks ago, J and I were invited to one of his students' homes for supper.
This is quite out of the ordinary.
Not often do teachers get invited to students' homes. At least not in my experience.
So, I knew this family was going to be one of those families that was okay with breaking out of the mold...
doing things their own way.
And I knew it was going to be awesome...the supper part anyway.
Because when I was about 8 months pregnant with Tulip, this family made us a DIVINE meal...and I do mean DIVINE. They sent it home with J just to bless me....give me a night off from cooking.
It was sooooo good.
When J came home with news of an invitation to thier house for supper, I jumped at the opportunity!
I should tell you that this is a family of 7 - yes, 5 children ranging from 4th grade to 8 months old.
And the minute I walked into their home, I felt this overwhelming peace.
Yes, I just said "peace" when talking about a home with 5 children.
It was not chaotic.
It was not too much to handle.
It was peaceful.
And joyful.
And respectful.
And kind.
And cozy.
And just plain....lovely.
The kids are probably the most well-manered, kind-hearted bunch I've been around in a long time.
They answer their parents with "Yes, Mom" and "Yes, Dad" when asked to do something.
They are kind to each other....really.
They look their parents in the eyes.
They looked me in the eyes.
They were friendly, talkative, inquisitive.
And they are happy.
Not obeying out of fear, but out of genuine love.
I saw it when they spontaneously came up to hug their parents, looking at them with sincere respect.
Now, I know that there are probably moments when things can get chaotic.
And I know that no child is perfect.
Nor is any parent.
These people are no exception.
But, they're doing this parenting thing right.
And the demeanor of their kids and atmosphere of their home is the proof.
I was so impressed with this family, thinking to myself, "Wow, how in the world did they accomplish this?"
We ate great food and had delicious conversation while the kids happliy entertained each other.
Then they gave us a tour of their house right before we headed home.
And upstairs, in each child's bedroom hung a list of their family rules.
They were simple yet profound.
Each kid can recite the list to you and tell you why each rule is important.
The older ones can also tell you why each rule is Biblical...now that's impressive!
And in that moment, I decided that "rules" are not all that bad.
And, evidentally, they are key in parenting.
Not just having rules and enforcing rules, but sharing them, living them out, practicing them and learning why they matter.
It truly inspires me to watch other parents.
I know I have a lot to learn.
I take some things and leave others, trying to navigate my way and pave a path for my little family.
The Lord was so kind to bring us to this family and teach us about His vision for what ours might someday look like.
On the way home, Peach chattered about how much fun she had and J and I let out little sighs that said, "Ooooh, that was good."
A few nights later, we came up with our own list.
We changed a few of the wordings and added some things of our own.
Here's what we came up with:
1. Others First
2. Tell the Truth
3. Choose Kind Words
4. Obey Your Mom and Dad
5. Be Happy With What You Have
6. Choose a Good Attitude
7. Show Respect To Older People
8. Stand Up For What is Good
9. Responsibility Before Privilege
10. Apologize and Forgive
We know that this won't be easy.
That it will require time and effort and patience.
That it will require time and effort and patience.
And the results are not guaranteed.
But it seems like a step in the right direction.
The first step is holding ourselves accountable to these rules, showing Peach and Tuilp how.
The next is lovingly integrating the rules into their lives.
I like that the first 5 or 6 are simple enough for Peach to understand.
The others will come later.
My favorite is #9...
I'm so grateful that God put this family in our lives.
To teach us and to share with us.
It has helped to get J and I on the same page about some things.
And I can already feel some things going a little smoother as a result.
Rules...now that I know what good rules look like and the fruit that they can produce,
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