Lately...

oh my lanta....it has been a glorious fall

and we've just been hangin' around, soaking up the goodness of autumn in minnesota

we've had a few days chilly enough to bust out coats and hats

and some sunshine-y soccer games with a wind that bites

most of our time has been spent out on the driveway

noticing the turning leaves and snuggling into cozy sweatshirts

and then there's been this:

which quite explains why it's been almost a month since i've written anything on this blog

most nights the kids are in bed by 8 and i'm right behind them.

sharing the news of number four has been....interesting

the response has been one of shock

like, what in the wide world are you people thinking?

you are thinking, right?

or maybe having three children 5 and under has made you go totally bonkers

and oh, the sympathetic looks from everyone who is truly burdened for us that we just haven't been "lucky enough" to get a boy

whatever.  we're rocking the girl train.

and another sweet ray of sister sunshine would suit us just fine.

it seems like few people have been truly excited

(or maybe pregnancy hormones are making me overly sensitive)

but it seems like most people look at us like we're crazy.

and maybe we are....

but we figure that you can spend your life on a lot worse things than children :)

sometimes we get the sad smile that says 

"i'm so sorry that you'll be raising all these kids and just barely getting by."

we're not worried.

really....the more responsibility He gives us, the more i trust Him

i mean...the Lord fed 5 thousand hungry bellies with 2 loaves of bread, people

he can provide for 4 kids on one and a half teacher salaries.

i'm sure of it.

then there are the friends and family who would like to know if this means that they need to get us "another" baby gift

actually, just being happy for us would be the best thing you could do.

and that wouldn't cost you one penny ;)

and let's not forget all the people who want to know if it was an accident.

um....no

but then again i don't really believe in "accidental babies"

the truth is this:

we like kids...

and we're especially fond of our own

in fact, with each addition, our family has only gotten better

louder? yes

 but less selfish, too

and more of a team

we may not go on the most magnificent vacations

we may not have the best-dressed kids

we may have to be creative about how to get them all where they need to be on days

but we will have each other.

i'm not saying that giving our kids experiences isn't important.

it is.

i'm not saying that blessing their socks off at Christmas and birthdays and back to school doesn't have its merit.

it does.

but giving them siblings is an EQUALLY amazing gift.

when we are gone, they will still have each other.

and that will matter heaps and heaps.

i won't lie

while i'm mostly thrilled, there's a little part of me that feels like i'm at the top of a roller coaster

it's a little scary there

but no different from when the first one came

and the second

and the third.

this is going to change everything....and for that i'll admit that i'm a little nervous.

but thank the Good Lord that He has BIG, awesome plans for our lives that stretch us and challenge us and move us waaaaay out on the branch where our trust in Him goes deep.

our mess is about to get a little bigger

and our home is about to get a little smaller

and we're about to get a little more creative with our finances and our time and our space

but there's something beautiful about coming to place where the selfishness melts away and you learn to just give your life away to someone else.

there's something amazing about letting go of the worry and the what ifs and the checkbook balance and watching God do big things